Grasshopper Faith

Everyday I am given the opportunity to dress myself in the full armor of God or walk vulnerable into enemy territory.

With his hand on his forehead, Daniel recently stood beside my bed at 4:30 in the morning and whispered, “Mom, my head is killing me. I think I have brain cancer.”

From 2007 until 2010, Daniel swallowed chemotherapy pills daily and underwent monthly injections to kill off the leukemia cells attacking his little body. While his healing enables us to be blessed on this side of treatment, I’d be a liar if I told you I don’t worry.

I gave Daniel two Tylenol and allowed him to spend the remainder of the night snuggled in my arms.  He rested and my mind raced: “Does he have brain cancer, Lord?”

Once I opened the door to that doubt, my journey quickly gathered steam: “You know, at the grocery store yesterday people were staring at me holding Harrison. Do they think I am her grandmother?”

Once I found peace in the fact I am a young 44, the next thought hit me, “I will be fifty when she enters first grade!”

That led to another fruitless fear, “Do You think I made Lee mad today when I forgot to return his text?  I’m in sweats when he leaves for work and covered in spit-up when he comes home. He probably doesn’t love me anymore.”

I was a mess within minutes.

Do you see what happened?  Isaiah 26:3 says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on THEE….”  All I was doing was focusing on ME.  Rather than enjoying the state of comfort and peace promised by my loving Savior, I had created a situation of complete panic because of my undisciplined thought life.

I looked just like the Israelites who, on the edge of the Promised Land, did not believe the positive report of Caleb and Joshua, but chose rather to believe the negative account of the vocal majority who left God’s power out of their problems. The fearful reported, “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them” (Numbers 13:33).

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Sadly, failing to put their trust in the Lord, these men and women on the cusp of receiving God’s promise were never allowed to taste the harvest. Rather than enjoying the bounty of the land, their choice to focus on their insecurities over the safety found in the arms of their Shepherd saw them banished from His blessing and forced to wander the desert for 40 years.

Ugh. How often do I rob myself of joy and peace because of my stubborn refusal to surrender all to Him?

Two books later in Judges, a Canaanite woman divulged what her people had thought about the Israelites all along, “…our hearts melted and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below (Judges 2:10-11).

Could it be? The pagan saw what God’s own people were too blinded by discouragement to see.

God is trustworthy and true. He will fulfill all He’s promised.

Whatever the giants in our lives, whether pride, selfishness, an unholy thought life, self-centeredness, or lack of discipline, when we admit we cannot overcome them ourselves but rather place our complete trust in Him and the fact He is bigger than any boogieman, we can leave our wilderness and enter the Promised Land.

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18 thoughts on “Grasshopper Faith

  1. Tara-This blog spoke straight to my heart. I feel like a capsized ship when my mind becomes the devil’s workshop. ;( I am my own worst enemy some days. However, I have been printing your blogs to read when I need some uplifting. Thank you for your encouraging words.

    • Pam, thanks for journeying with me. How blessed we are to have a Captain Who is faithful even when His crew is not! Praying for greater obedience for us both today and an awareness that the enemy has no authority over the child of God but that which she chooses to give him. 😉 I love you…

  2. Just what I needed today to calm myself before a doctor’s visit! Thank you for inspiration!
    Love to you and your family,
    Sissy Hunter

  3. Thank you for your honesty and a reminder to all of us that, although we are human and fail, trying our hardest at all points to keep our eyes and hearts focused on our Lord knowing that He is in control, surrendering to His authority pleases Him and will wash away our insecurities and burdens. It is hard though, isn’t it……

  4. That was very beautiful and very helpful…It is so true that we can be our own worst enemy. Nicholas is still plagued with night terrors, and so bedtime often fills him with fear. His comforting thought is that God has promised to protect him, and as I remind him every night of this, he sweetly drifts off to sleep! I hope he always trusts in this promise.

    • Carla- Thanks for your thoughtful words. I’ll have to sign a copy of The Knight and the Firefly to Nick. Based on Psalm 91, it is a story about a little boy like your precious one afraid of the dark. 🙂

  5. Tara, your blog spoke truth all over me-night time seems to be such a good time for the enemy to have a playground in my head…but you are so right.. it is me focusing on me not HIM. Thank you for being so honest in your struggles…you bless so many with your words

  6. So I was just TALKING about those Israelites in class the other day! And their unbelief and fear….how it led to 40 years of wandering. The lesson was on dividing factors (of polynomials) – and fear is a big division in our lives! Thanks for reminding the teacher that He is Emmanuel: God with Us. You are a blessing! ❤

  7. Tara, thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging ours! I’m so glad that impatience is not one of God’s attributes, because it seems like it has taken me a long time to learn that when the enemy is attacking, we have so much more that is for us, than what is against us. I know His army of angels are always ready to protect me, but as Matthew was undergoing some extensive oral surgery this week, I seemed to have developed a case of momentary amnesia of God’s power & protection. How thankful I am that He gently reminds us of all that is at our disposal if we just open our eyes & fix them on Him!

    P.S. A little dab of peppermint oil rubbed in your temples works wonders for those post leukemia headaches:) Love u.

    • Thanks for your encouragement, Andrea! So thrilled about your new ministry. I appreciate, too, the tip about peppermint oil on Daniel’s temples. Thankful to the Lord for your healing and his…

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